You and Me

Some of the photos a very talented friend of mine took before Chris deployed. She surprised me with the photo session at the Botanical Gardens in Fort Worth.

Email from Kuwait

My alarm went off much too early this morning. Nevertheless, I rolled over to turn it off and picked up my Blackberry to check my emails. An email from Chris! All of a sudden, I was awake. It was a short, but much needed email. Last night I went to bed with longing to hear his voice; I really wanted to talk to him, to be able to just dial him on my cell phone and just talk about nothing in particular. I want life to be like it was even just two weeks ago. I hate to think of what he is going through right now.

Tonight I'm going to a wedding shower for two good friends who are getting married next week out of country. It is somewhat bittersweet for me to go. Most of the time I am so happy for my friends who have so many good things happening in their lives right now - but, every once in a while, I am overwhelmed with a self-pity. Life seems to be on hold right. I feel as though I'm just waiting...waiting for Chris to come home...waiting for life to begin. I know that this is my life, right now where I am. I'm trying to live it. I'm trying to be in the moment. But it is hard to be around people who are moving on with life. It is even harder for me to listen to them complain about how hard it is. I just want to scream sometimes. Really, I know that buying a house is stressful or planning a wedding is stressful or that finding a job is stressful or that school exams are stressful. I know that life is just stressful. I am not trying to be a bad friend to them. Really, I want to be a good friend, one who is encouraging, supportive, sincere. But it is just a little hard right now.

This is not going to be an easy year. I know that one day it will be our turn. And I will never take that for granted. But we still have to get through this year. It makes it just a little bit easier, though, to know that next year at this time, Chris will be home and I will have graduated. 363 days from now...

Today

Today feels all wrong. Chris leaves tomorrow. It is so weird for me to think that this time next week he will be half a world away. I feel like I should be helping him tie up the loose strings. I should be enjoying these last few hours that I have with him near. Instead, I have spent the morning studying for my final this afternoon. I will then spend my afternoon taking the four hour final. Even though this week I've tried not to let it too much, law school really interferes too much with life.